I’m so disappointed with You, Lord (part 3 of 4)

“I am your Shepherd… No matter how painful the circumstances, it will not change that Truth, even if you believe that or not. I am the Lord, your Shepherd…. I may sometimes allow you to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but see, it is not death at all, just a shadow of it. I can make wonderful things out of the scariest and the ugliest things or events. You have the cross of calvary as my proof.”

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Paglabas ko ng hallway, nakita ko ang mga ka-batch ko. nakita ko sa mata nila na alam na nila ang result. Nakita ko si Judith na umiiyak sa gilid. Nakita ko rin ang mga taong obviously ay asar sa akin. Even those who I thought were my friends. Initially, I felt the pain again. The pain of bruised ego is too much to bear. Nasa dulo ng hallway ang locker room. Wala akong ibang choice but to walk in their midst. This is my walk of shame. Huminga ako ng malalim bago lumakad ng tuwid sa gitna nila.

“Borj, are you OK?”
“Sabi nung ibang trainers wala naman daw sa listahan ng mga bumagsak ang name mo eh. Niluto yun bro. Ireklamo natin.”

May ibang nagparinig. “Akala ko ba Instructor ng Informatics? Ang lakas magturo sa atin nung training, di naman pala papasa.”

I remained quiet. Naimagine ko na naman si Jesus habang inaalimura ng mga tao. Puyat, gutom, pagod, sugatan… parang ako. “It’s nothing compared to what You’ve done.” Bulong ko. I decided to look unto Jesus.

Pagdating sa locker room, I sensed His presence waiting. Naramdaman ko ang yakap Nya. He allowed me to feel his heart.

“See, it hurts me so much that I had to let you go through this.” Then, in my mind I saw a picture of a potter. Binasag nya yung palayok, only to remold it into another design. (See Jeremiah 18:3-6)

“You have to understand, if I bless you without changing your vessel, maaaring hindi kayanin ng vessel at mabasag ito. I can’t allow you to bloat in pride and eventually self-destruct when I start blessing you. And I can not bless you unless I make your vessel according to my specifications, I have to remold you into the kind ready to accept all the blessings I will pour into you and your household.”

Napaluhod ako at tuluyang nahulog ang luha na kanina ko pa pinipigil. Buti walang tao.

“I am your Shepherd… No matter how painful the circumstances, it will not change that Truth, even if you believe that or not. I am the Lord, your Shepherd. I will make you lie down in green pastures and lead you into still waters. But I will also lead you into the path of righteousness with my Staff, and My Rod of Righteousness will be your comfort. I may sometimes allow you to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but see, it is not death at all, just a shadow of it. I can make wonderful things out of the scariest and the ugliest things or events. You have the cross of calvary as my proof.”

Eto pala ang totoong ibig sabihin ng verse na binigay nya 2 days before. It was an early warning that I failed to accurately understand.

I bid my last farewell to my friends. I have to admit, the longer I stay in that place, the harder it is for me to remain steadfast. I am still hurting, naging mabuti lang talaga ang Lord by giving me strength to continue IN SPITE OF the pain. I am still dying inside. Part of me is crying for justice, ang sakit isiping aalis ako sa company na may pangit na reputasyon, something that I know I do not deserve. But God again reminded me of how Jesus died. For His friends and foes, He died a shameful, disgraceful death.

“Borj, di ako papayag eh. I want to bring this up with the higher management.” Si RV. Sinamahan nya ako hanggang sa palabas na kami ng main hallway.
“Hindi na ako interesado. magmumukha lang akong naghahabol.”
“How can you remain calm inspite of this?”
“Bro, I am serving a living God. Alam kong hindi mo maiintindihan, pero He is into this since I joined DELL. All things work together for our good. Naniniwala akong He’s going to bring me to a better place, a better company. Sooner, you will hear the good news from me. And pag nangyari na iyon, you will see na buhay ang Diyos na pinaglilingkuran ko. I hope you get to know him too, kagaya ng lagi kong share sayo.”

He hugged me tight bago ako sumakay ng motor. Sayang, promise nya pa naman noon sasama sya sakin minsan sa church pagkatpos nmin magtraining. That was the last time I saw him in person.

Continued here

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One thought on “I’m so disappointed with You, Lord (part 3 of 4)

  1. Pingback: I’m so disappointed with You, Lord (part 2 of 4) « Notes of an Imperfect Christian

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