I’ll say this right off the bat: men are rational beings — even in matters concerning our emotions.
While yes it’s true that men are capable of being swept off our feet by a particular woman, and that we surely love that feeling, it doesn’t always sound like wedding bells ringing. As a general statement, a man’s heart need to be in perfect alignment with his mind. We think about things a lot, we need to know the HOW’s and the WHY’s behind almost everything. That’s how we are wired.
Another blogger put it this way:
Like it or not, a large portion of a man’s decision-making process is left-brain dominated and purely rational. Men think about things a lot, and when I thought about committing to the love of my life, it made perfect rational sense. My head agreed with my heart. My entire being—the thinking part of me and the feeling part of me—was absolutely sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my love.
Let me explain further with an illustration all boys can relate to: cars. When a man decides that he is ready to get married, he goes through a process very similar to buying a brand new car.
When he thinks he is ready, he begins with the goal. He first thinks about WHY he want it. In the self-rationalization that follows, the WANT always becomes a NEED. At this point, he is already so convinced that he is almost unstoppable. The excitement also builds up faster at this point. This becomes the “trending topic” in all his conversations.
Almost immediately after he convinces himself, he starts considering the WHAT. This includes all “specifications” that will suit his needs. Now this is a crucial thing single ladies must pay attention to. Men always consider peer opinion. Be it cars or girls or anything, we often seek the approval (and sometimes envy) of our buddies, family and relatives. We want something that will give us bragging rights (yes, that applies to Christian guys too). We want to be proud of the WHAT which we seek to obtain. Now this part is where boys vary, as we have our own unique “desired qualities”. Some consider the “brand”, others the “looks”, while others consider “budget” or practicality. But the bottomline is always based on specific needs — and don’t forget the peer review!
The next question is WHEN. We cannot continue the process until we know what TIME FRAME we are looking at. In fact, you can determine a man’s sincerity and eagerness if he starts talking about clear timelines. This is also the most crucial part, because if the WHEN is not clear, he goes back to the WHAT and reconsiders his other options.
Second to the last step, he starts thinking about HOW he can get it. But since he has already made up his mind, he will never run out of options, solutions and workaround — thanks to his sheer willpower. At this point the man is completely unstopabble that only death or permanent disability will ever stop him from achieving it.
Then he shops (or hunts) around until he finds one that fits the purpose. The WHERE is virtually without boundaries. And almost always, the first car (or girl) that seem to match his needs (and budget) gets to be taken home. He then immediately stops the shopping spree. He can’t wait to go home, spend quality time with his find and celebrates his achievement with friends.
This is the same with relationships and getting married.
So for the ladies who are “waiting to be found”, WHERE you are is actually of little importance. In fact it is worth noting that a man would go all the way to the mountains if his peer told him that something he needs is found there and his peers recommended it is worth the trouble.
Ladies, you need to appeal to the rational part of a man’s mind in order to convince the man that a commitment is the right decision. If you are in a relationship with someone you want to spend the rest of your life, show him that your partnership makes his life better. Demonstrate– with your love, with your willingness to share the load and your ability to multiply the joy in his life– that you are worthy of a commitment. Show him that you are a worthy life partner, one who brings her own strengths and assets to the relationship. Tell him, gently and repeatedly (if necessary), that a commitment is important to you. And show him how much you love and appreciate him.
One final word of advise:
If you are a girlfriend doing such a good job of all of this, then I can assure you your guy will really want to marry you (assuming you are both of marrying age). But do not be complacent! Because if you can’t deliver the WHEN, then don’t be surprised if he gets back to the drawing board and re-considers other options available. You were given your chance and given due priority. So if you think he’s a good catch, STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT.
- 10 Qualities of a Godly Boyfriend/Husband
- Why Are Many of Us So Unprepared to Be Godly Wives? – Part 1 (peacefulwife.com)