God, my heart and my earring: a realization

This is post is a thought-box. I am writing here my personal thoughts after I had my earring — an act that normally raises brows in a conservative Christian community where I grew up.

What I did was a step towards a personal journey. It led me to a very profound personal discovery. These are some of them:

After obeying what I believe to be a word from the Lord (click here to know the story), He exposed and revealed what is in my heart.

  1. I discovered I have a deep seated desire to be accepted. I fear being in the outgroup. Dahil dito, I am often willing to accept and abide with the crowd because I fear being an outcast.
  2. I unconsciously fear what other people would say. I sometimes (or often) do things, not because I want to please God but because gusto ko madami mabless sa akin, and I am scared to hear harsh criticism or be the topic of “extra-biblical Christian sharings” (that I will be lying if I say I never participated in).
  3. Norms vary between communities. Like culture varies with countries.
  4. Because my lifestyle is aligned with the norms of my community, I feel maraming nabi-bless sa akin. And in doing so, I am living a life pleasing to the Lord.
  5. In my younger years, I have judged in my heart those whose fashion statement is different than mine — lalo na yung mga kabataang nakikisabay sa uso. In my heart, I called them lovers of this world, hindi totoong Christians, and other judgmental thoughts that I will be too ashamed to say in public.
  6. I am like this because this is the frame of mind in a community I grew up. In other Christian communities, men with earrings is not a big deal.
  7. Hindi lang ako ang ganito. Many professing Christians do “righteous and holy things” to be observed by others, para magsilbing “good example”, para masabing “nakaka-bless”.

Prayer for Forgiveness

Lord, thank you for using that to expose what is in my heart. Thank you for showing to me what it really means “Man looks into the outward appearance, but God looks into the heart.”

I’m sorry for acting like a Modern-day Pharisee. Forgive me for my judgmental thoughts towards others, for those times I thought I am better than them, just because the way I lived my life is aligned with the norms. I’m so sorry, for those times I was too bold to approach a brother or a sister, and giving them an “open rebuke is better than hidden love” unsolicited advises. My Church hurt me, but I also have offended a lot of people, I have used your Word to condemn, and I thought I was being a good Christian.

Nahihiya po ako sa mga self-righteous thoughts ko. I’m very sorry.

Now, my earring would serve as a reminder, that even if their actions are questionable, I should give them a benefit of doubt and first try to understand their motive and intent.

I need your help to show me how to live a life of praise, a life that touches hearts and changes lives, a life lived to please only one audience — You.

Disclaimer:

Under normal circumstances, what I did is still considered inappropriate especially for a Christian leader, but I did it out of a personal conviction. God was teaching me something here. I hope hindi ito maging “excuse” para sa ibang mga kabataang lalaki na gusto lang talaga makiuso. Be it unto you according to your faith and conviction.

PS: Hindi na po youth si w3bservant. 🙂

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