Today, I found myself sharing to another believer what kind of faith I have.
It is a very precious moment of personal enlightenment, because I have never really thought about describing to another seasoned believer, how I feel about my faith in the light of doctrinal differences that are prevalent in the Body of Christ today. Hence explaining to her led me to some sort of personal discovery.
So I tried to be fluid and candid, and this is how it came:
Honestly. I am open to learning about other doctrines, and even about other religious belief systems in general. Some may be sincerely concerned about my well-being, and offer wise caution about the pitfalls of doing that. Like “baka maligaw ka at guguluhin ang faith mo. Stick ka lang sa tinuturo sa atin.”
But in my heart of the matter, is this:
Lord, gusto ko malaman ano ang pagkakaiba nila sa belief ko. Naniniwala ako na you will use what I will learn to further strengthen my faith, or if I am in the wrong faith NOW then you will use this to lead me to the right path. I believe in your sovereignty, when i seem lost, please pull me back to safety. But if I will learn more of you in midst of the ocean, I am willing to lose sight of the safety of shore.
Yes, it could be considered foolhardy. Nasa tama ka na, susubok ka pa. Naghahanap ka ng sakit ng katawan. Pero hindi ba’t children are like that? When we were kids, most of us wanted to try to do crazy and curious stuff. But we first look around to see that our parents are around — because we have faith they will save us, in case something goes wrong. That’s my definition of child-like faith. Crazy, I know.
I’m not afraid to do this, because I believe in His sovereignty. I believe that a true Christian does not lose his salvation. So I am willing na magkamali ng paulit ulit, kung sa bawat pagkakamali ay mas makikilala ko pa yung kabutihan at kalawakan ng glory at grace Nya. I want to have a first hand experience of how wide, how deep, how great is his love for me.
I believe in His Sovereign will, I believe in my eternal assurance. Pero hindi ko yun ginagamit as a license to sin or to live a questionable life, but to live a life that always questions the kind of life I live. No complacency.
Siguro, my kind of faith is like that of Peter: this-is-totally-crazy-don’t-try-to-do-this-at-home kind of faith.
On the night Jesus walked on water, Jesus said “Do not be afraid, it is I.” He did not suggest “all of you jump out of the boat and walk towards me”.
But Peter is really crazy (and stupid if I may add), maybe if it happened in our time, He will say in our language like this:
Lord, if it is you, then command me to do something stupid, totally crazy that no man in his right mind will do: I will jump from the boat and walk on water.”
Maybe the other disciples are telling him, “Hoy! Are you nuts? Don’t do something stupid like that.” Maybe someone even quoted a verse, “People perish due to lack of knowledge.”
But Peter must have said, “I’d rather perish trying to gain knowledge. Besides, Jesus is out there, he will save me.”
Jesus knew what is in Peter’s heart, so he maybe said (in modern language), “That was a really crazy idea, Peter. Uhmm, OK, come.”
So Peter got out of the boat (his comfort zone) and walked on the water and came to Jesus. HIS CRAZY FAITH is actually doing, something crazy.
But when Peter saw the wind, he was afraid, and he lost his crazy and stupid kind of faith, and he begin to sink. He cried out, “Lord, save me.”
Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, WHY DID YOU DOUBT?”
To me its like my Dad saying:
Sayang! Nakuha mo na eh, kung nagfocus ka lang you could have done much better than that.
You see, kung hindi ka umalis sa bangka eh di sana hindi ka muntikan malunod.
This is my personal doctrine:
I only live once, I want to EXPERIENCE him, not just to know him. I love the idea of confronting God, wrestling with God, Challenging God, Daring God, asking him things na pwede nya ikagalit, even venting out my frustrations at him paminsan-minsan. I want to know if he can handle the worst that I can be. If he is the Messiah that everyone says he is.
Ganun ka-crazy ang faith na mayroon ako, and it could lead me to serious trouble, and I understand not everyone will agree with it.
That also means, I will never be tied to any religious tenets of faith. My own personal faith will swing back and forth between doctrines and beliefs, It will go high and low, I will never cease to search for Him and his love in the ordinary places until I die. I choose to live to live a life of active and experiential kind of faith.
This is crazy stuff, not recommended for children or the fainthearted. But I know of Someone crazier when he did the craziest thing in the world, leaving His comfort zone just to die for someone like me.