(Inspired by a chat conversation with my soon-to-be-married younger brother.)
Kung ikaw ay isang anak na malapit nang ikasal, namumuhay na independent, o gusto nang maging independent, para sa’yo ito.
Dear Independent Kid,
Before you leave your nest, take a few moments to consider that one person who will be most affected by the separation. Your mom. Here are 10 things you should know:
1. A mother will always be a mother until her last breath. Nagigising ang mother instinct ng isang babae the moment her first child is born, that psychological change is permanent, and it does not stop even if she had other children, or if all the children grows old. To our mom, even when we age, we don’t stop being their babies. Kahit may asawa ka na, paminsan-minsan hayaan mo pa ring maging Ina sya sayo. Huwag mong ipagkait sa kanya yun, that’s her only treasure. 2. Every mom has that need to serve her kids. No matter how old the kids are. Even if they get married. Kagalakan ng isang ina na mapagsilbihan ang mga anak, it makes them feel needed. It assures their self-worth. That is reward in itself.
Nung pabalik na ako ng Malaysia pagkatapos ng 2 linggong bakasyon, alam kong pagod na sya sa maghapong pamamasyal, pero sya pa rin ang nag-impake ng bagahe ko, Hindi ko sya pinigilan. I understand she wants to fulfill her duties to me as a mom. Kasi feeling nya, na-deprive siya nung duty na yun for the time na nawala ako. She loves to feel I still need her.
3. To a mother, the independence of her child is both a gift and a curse. Every mothers fear the day that her child will seek independence. If you are a son, you will never understand that pain. If you are a daughter, you will only understand that when you have your own children. 4. Your mom loves to hear your stories, no matter how trivial it is. Kung paanong nagtitiyaga silang pakinggan tayo noong mga bata pa tayo kapag nagkikwento tayo ng mga nahuli nating tutubi, o kung paano mo nilagyan ng asin yung bulate, o kaya’y yung paborito mong cartoons na mahigit isandaang beses mo nang pinanood. Hindi yun nagbago, kahit ngayong matanda na tayo. Now that we have grown older, they still want to be part of our world. They love to hear our achievements, or even the stupid things that happen at work. To a mom, no story is uninteresting, if it is told by any of her kids.
5. She wants to know your love story. This is something that most young people are missing nowadays. Kahit may mga anak na sila, deep inside our moms are still that hopeless romantic teenager who love romantic stories. Kinikilig pa rin sila. And the best love story will always be that of their children — lalo na kung may special participation sila dun (ex: Maganda yung anak ni kumare, diba?). They want to share with your joy, your pain, your heartaches. your world. Naalala ko tuloy yung halaman na binigay ng ex ko sa kanya. Lagi nyang dinidiligan. Minsan kinakausap pa. Sabi nya sa halaman, “hangga’t buhay ka, umaasa pa rin akong magkakabalikan sila.”
6. “I don’t need you anymore” is the worst thing a son or daughter can tell their mom. Mas masahol pa yun sa pinakamalutong na mura.
7. You don’t need to win her approval through performance or achievements. In the great performances of our lives, mothers are never judges nor part of the audience, she will always be the proud stage mom. Let her be that. 8. Guys: You can still be “a child” to your mom, without being a mama’s boy. It doesn’t hurt if we unleash our “inner child” every once in a while when we’re at home. A great way to do it is appreciating the food she cooks, the way you used to as a kid. Nakakapagpataba ito sa puso. It brings them precious memories when you were that little toddler around the house. Ngayon alam mo na kung bakit lagi nilang kinekwento sa mga bisita yung mga panahon na tumatakbo ka ng walang salawal, at iba pang embarassing moments mo. She remembers the child. 9. ONE Word. MEMORIES. Give her good, lasting memories. Kung palagay mo wala kayo masyadong good memories, bumawi ka habang may panahon pa. Memories na babalik-balikan nya kapag matanda na sya. Memories na magpapangiti kapag tinignan nya ang lumang photo album mo. Memories na ikekwento nya sa mga apo nya, at memories na magbabalik sa alaala nya, sa mga huling sandali bago sya kunin ni Lord.
10. Only God knows how many years you have left to be with her, make it count.
Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you.