I’m so disappointed with You, Lord (part 2 of 4)

Though still hurting, I prayed. “Lord, hindi po lahat binibigyan ng rare opportunity na kagaya nito, to have a life situation similar to your suffering. I pray that You let me finish this refining moment. Gusto ko pong makita what I will become after you have molded me through this. Please give me the strength, as I finish the remaining steps of my walk through this valley, of the shadow of death.”

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Nakakabingi ang katahimikan sa loob, kaya rinig na rinig ko ang unti-unting paglakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

(Continued from Part 1)

Tinignan ko kung sino sino ang mga kasama ko: nasa kaliwa ko si Judith, yung tinatawag nila na may attitude problem. Nakikipagtalo sa mga trainers, kahit obvious nang mali, sige pa rin. Kung hindi late, absent. Talagang hindi sila manghihinayang na ilaglag ito. Sa kanan ko, si Daddy Deo. daddy kase 50 plus na sya. Sya ang pinakamahina sa grupo. Hirap sa English, ganun din sa mga aptitude test. Field technician sya, pero its obvious na he is not cut for a call center career. At si Mark. Average performer. Nakaramdam ako ng awa para sa kanila. I don’t know how they will accept the bad news. At that point I was convinced I am the only person to be “saved”.

Nagsimula na si Grace. Sinabi nya na kaya ndun ang HR ay para siguraduhin na ang pagpasa o pagbagsak ay dumaan sa due process. Una nyang tinawag si Mark, sinabi ang requirements for passing, at kinongratulate. Pasado si Mark. Pinalabas na sya agad.

Pag-alis ni Mark, walang emosyon ang mukha ni Grace. “Borj, Judith, Daddy Deo, Im sorry to tell you that you failed to pass the remediation. We are terminating your training and your career here in DELL.”

“You’re kidding.” I gasped in disbelief. Umiyak si Judith, Yumuko lang si Daddy. I can’t believe what I heard.

Nilapitan ko si Grace at kinuha ang papers. 85 ang passing, I got 67. I felt ridiculed. naglitanya si Grace how they came up with the decision, but I felt the results were cooked. It was a mock trial for me. Pakiramdam ko, nagdidiwang ang kalooban ni Ms Grace habang sinasabi iyon.

Then, the HR asked me na hubarin ko na ang DELL badge ko. Ang simbolo ng career ko which for the past 3 months ay proud na proud kong sinusuot. kahit pumasok ako sa MOA, nakasabit iyon. Now Im being stripped of my glory. Sabi ng HR, if I felt the decision was biased, I can contest it. Di naman nila ako mapipilit na pirmahan ang termination papers na nasa harap ko.

Pero before ako nakagpagsalita, I sensed His Spirit in the room. “Yield. Trust me and obey.” He said. In my mind, I asked him why, and he flooded me with verses:

I know the plans that i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future..(Jer 29:11);
For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9);
…all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.(Rom 8:28)
For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow. (Lam 3:33)

In a split second, biglang nagliwanag ang isip ko. I saw a vivid picture of Christ’s suffering on the cross. I found myself associating that painful moment with my Savior’s agony. Yes there are no physical wounds, but no words can explain the pain of bruised emotions and a wounded pride; it is human nature to feel the pain of humiliation in
accepting defeat sa harap ng mga taong natutuwa sa paghihirap mo. And since Jesus was fully human, then He must have felt it too.

“I feel what you feel, and it hurts me so much that you are going through this. But know that I love you, and am with you even at this very moment.” His Spirit comforted me.

My circumstances did not change, but His word made me change my perspective of that situation. Sa isang iglap, I felt

When pain seems unbearable, and the only thing I can do is cry to You. And in your presence, I feel peace, as you wipe my tears away.

joy sweeping me, I gained strength.

Though still hurting, I prayed. “Lord, hindi po lahat binibigyan ng rare opportunity na kagaya nito, to have a life situation similar to your suffering. I pray that You let me finish this refining moment. Gusto ko pong makita what I will become after you have molded me through this. Please give me the strength, as I finish the remaining steps of my walk through this valley, of the shadow of death.”

Pormal kong hinarap ang HR at si Ms. Grace at ngumiti ng tipid. “I trust that the decision was made fair and square. And if it weren’t so, then it is not me who will have a guilty conscience. Ms. Grace, I appreciate you having to stay until 4AM just to finish this. Thank you and God bless.” Pakiramdam ko, nakabawi na ako sa kanya. She must not have expected my reaction.

Kailangan ko rin daw isurrender ang headset and other company property that night, and vacant my locker dahil hindi na ako papasukin tomorrow. I went out of the room silently.

Continued here…